THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS by Clement Clarke Moreorless ...... (with apologies to Clement Clarke Moore)


A Visit From Santa Bird

'Twas the night before Christmas, but in all their cages

every birdee was worried, as they had been for ages.

The seed cups and fruit cups were shiny from cleaning

But George's tail feathers were wreck'd  from over-preening.


"Now, Georgee," said Laka, in her most forceful  voice,

"You've got to stop preening, in fact you've no CHOICE!

For Santa Bird is coming and will arrive soon. 

If he sees those tail feathers, he surely will swoon!

Now you know he stresses that we must be true

If you don't straighten up, George, he'll surely shoot through!

And that would be sad, for we all do agree

We want Santa's goodies under our Christmas tree!"


"A bird's tail is sure sign of good health and breeding

but, Georgee, your tail is nigh-on to bleeding!

Stop chewing!  Stop pulling!  Stop picking!  You're PLUCKED!

Or Santa, when he see's you will say, 'George, you're (censored)'  "

The conures then nodded and screeched their assent

"We concur!" they hollered.  "Now give your consent

to our plan to save you from Santa Bird's wrath

We've got just the thing, Georgee... you just need a BATH!"


Now Georgee, for his part, was feeling quite sad

But when he heard the conures, he said "Oh!  That's not BAD!"

I'd love a nice shower with water in a spray

Oh, take me," he pleaded, "Oh, let's DO!  TODAY!

It's not my fault that my tail is so ratty

Yes!  Give me a bath! And let's make it snappy!"


More rapid than eagles, the birds they then moved

and unlocked Georgee's cage if only to prove

that birdee's so determined cannot be delayed

when their fellow bird's tail must surely be saved.

They quietly unlocked George and took him upstairs

They turned on the water and then..., could you dare?

They scrubbed him and sprayed him and he called with joy

"Surely I'm good now, I'm a VERY good boy!"


They flew back to their cages and pulled with strong will

to close those cage doors and relock them but, still...

They hadn't quite finished the job up the stairs

for they'd not been tidy, they hadn't shown care

to turn off the water after George's mad scrub

The water flowed onward and filled up the tub.

It filled to o'erflowing, it spilled on the floorl

the water was everywhere up to the door.


And Santa, when he came, was horrified (TRUE)

He said "water wasting's a bad thing to do."

He shut off the taps and he mopped up the floor

he turned with a flourish and said one thing more:

"Now look, blokes, it's Australia, where water is dear

I'm so horrified that I'm outta here."


And they heard him exclaim as he drove out of sight

"Water-wasting won't do!  So goodbye and good night!"